Holding onto Nothing

I can’t let you down.

I’m not weak,

But I’m losing my grip

On what I’ve done and

How far I’ve come.

 

I wish you could see,

Everything I feel,

Without the words,

That diminish what’s real.

 

I’m not weak.

But how would you know?

How would I?

 

I’m holding onto nothing,

And it’s still slipping from my grasp,

I’m slightly scared of falling

Into nothing but my past.

 

…

 

My mouth just told the lie,

My eyes could not support;

My heart could not endure.

I don’t want to be

Anything I used to be.

There’s nothing there for me.

 

But out here…

I’m cold.

Lost.

Afraid.

 

And I’m holding onto nothing,

So what is there to lose?

 

I know every twitch, every blink,

Every breath weren’t mine.

They belonged to someone else.

Somebody I was.

Somebody I wish to never be again,

And yet to always see.

 

I’m sorry.

 

I lied.

 

You’re not fine.

 

Yet…

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