Irrefutable Madness

I’ve never seen something
Quite so bright
As the way yours eyes shine,
Despite the darkness of your room,
When we awaken.
I’d say you never get to watch me sleep,
Because I always wake up before you – 
But I use your chest as a pillow more frequently
Than the one that’s on your bed;
And it’s because I get to hear your heart beat.
Every breathe you draw beneath me,
Not only fills your lungs,
But overflows so far into mine,
I’d need another pair to hold onto it all.
Because that’s what you do.
You make me aware of my breathing.
And for the first time,
I like it. 

Just like the way I like how your hand intertwines with mine,
I like the way your hair flicks at a perfect angle to the right,
And how you’re the only guy I’d consider loving, with a beard.

Lying with you is like flying with you,
Because every word you say
Only lifts me higher onto cloud 9.

I’m just sorry that sometimes it takes me a little longer
To formulate my problems 
Into something
That I’m not scared will make you love me any less.
I’m sorry if I hold your hand too tight,
For fear that if I don’t I might actually fall off the earth.
But most of all – I’m sorry that I cry. 

If your heartstrings were a violin,
Every time I cried, there would be music.
You just need to know
That whenever you try
To stop me,
It’s not my eyes that don’t listen,
It’s my veins.
Because I’m crying invisible blood
That was bled on the battlefields of the last four years.
Because those gunmen
Called themselves soldiers,
Which meant I was lead to believe
They were stronger than me.
So I took their crap lying down
Because the ground was like a blanket
That kept me safe from the sound
They’d shot inside my head.
And I couldn’t get up for anyone.

Not a blink, not a breath
Was remembered.
Not a touch. Nothing. 
The dirt beneath me just filled my soul,
Working its way up from underneath my fingernails
Where it had manifested itself
While I was failing to claw my way out of the insanity raging around me.
But just before my heart turned black…

There you were.

And despite being covered,
Head to toe,
In irrefutable madness;

You couldn’t see it. 

And I’ve never felt more beautiful.

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Shards

I do this thing,
Where I blow up my own mind.
And despite the tragedy it leaves,
I still like to scatter the pieces,
In the vain hope that one day,
It’ll cause something beautiful to grow.

Depths

Is ringing my own heart the worst way to feel?
Cause my fingers feel like ash
That has been burnt one too many times.
The black dust becomes the surface
That will inevitably crumble.
And I can’t cope
If this tiny stretch of hope
That’s slowly learning to grow,
Turns to dust;
Because I will fall.

Wait…scrap that.

I have fallen.

I’ve fallen into depths.
And sometimes I forget how to come up
For air.

So I hope to god;
No matter if I’m too stupid to realise,
Or if I don’t tell you all the time,
Or if the amount I care slips your mind,
Or if I step out of line,

That I’m good enough for you.

Because although the tears don’t stain my face,
They settle in my lungs.
And the more I breathe,
The more I drown.

So please…
I’m begging you…

Save me.