Is this supposed to be
I no longer have
Is this supposed to be
I no longer have
You pull us close,
Hearts beating side by side,
The touch of your lips;
while we sleep,
It’s the heaven I only dream of.
There is no more lust,
The earth has shattered and we’re still falling;
Falling for each other like the first time we kissed,
But if everything has an end,
Then you’re not my everything.
Because if this were to end…
Don’t even say it.
I can’t take it,
I will shatter the floor beneath us
Until it’s enough to break us free.
I will shout
I will scream,
Until I cannot breathe.
The thought can force me down,
And I’ll sink far enough to taste the ground
we walk on
But these rocks between my teeth,
Will teach me dignity…
I will get back up;
I will whisper you sunrises
And steal you the stars.
I will walk this road a thousand times until it becomes “ours.”
But I’ll never count the last leaves of the fall,
Or settle in the colder air;
I want to sit between seasons
And watch the world stare,
Because with you…
Limbo can forever be enough.
I want to sit in this space forever.
This empty part of me is whole in here,
It blends in like water colours in the rain,
You are my paintbrush,
That paints away the pain.
Fill this life with endless wonder,
But make the sky the limit,
Because if you go too far,
I might let go.
All I’m asking is one thing.
Don’t do this to me,
My heart is just too thin.
I can feel the fragments of my mind
Falling deeper under ground,
Only to be found
By those that will unwind.
Sratching the surface,
Heavy with the weight of lying;
Fear, dread and hate.
Using nails sharp as knives,
Carving tears into the walls.
And with pure black chalk,
Creating darkness to erase
If I were to paint the sky,
With the colour I find
beneath your eyes,
The grey clouds
And rainy days
Would be but
A distant memory.
If I were to line my heart,
I’d forget the lights
and fray my mind,
to keep the love of you.
When I tell you I love you,
I don’t say it lightly.
It doesn’t just roll off my tongue,
it takes effort.
Like how planes have to reach speeds before they fly,
Like how the earth has to keep turning or we’d fall out the sky,
I can’t just say “I love you” and not mean it.
When I was 5, love meant family.
When I was 10 I learnt that love can sometimes break,
When I was 15 I learnt that picking up pieces of broken glass
will do more damage than just leaving them,
When I was 18, I no longer knew what love was.
True I had knowledge,
But it’s like an advert for a product you haven’t got,
you can reiterate what they tell you,
but until you’ve owned it
you don’t know.
You can’t teach people the secrets,
you can’t explain how it works,
you can’t recommend it to anyone,
Because you don’t know.
When I was 18, I finally bought it.
I finally bought into the thought that this would be a good idea.
Because getting hurt wasn’t in the item description
Damages were covered with a fresh coat of paint,
And I was getting something used,
but it was advertised as new.
And surprise surprise…
And I had nothing left to do.
No receipt was given to me,
No return terms and conditions,
this broken thing in my hands was all I had left.
The pieces of glass wedged between my fingers where his hands uncomfortably sat,
The scratches on my heart when a week in he told me “I love you.”
It didn’t work, but nor did I want it to.
So I smashed it up,
I beat it down,
because what it gave me wasn’t what I paid for.
I deserved more.
So I exchanged it.
I traded for something new.
And along with that came
and something blue.
I traded for you.
Because when you hold my hand
you do it right,
you accepted me when I said
“Turn off the light”
Your words left me with sparks,
and when you said “I love you”
You meant it.
You came with a lifetime Guarantee
because you were made from different parts,
When every part of me ends,
I know that’s where you start.
You made me spell “love” like I was learning for the first time
L: Like nothing I’ve ever known before
O: Obstacles don’t seem so scary when I’m with you
V: Veins that no longer carry my blood but yours,
E: Everyday I’m with you is like new.
I’ve never wanted to learn so much in my life,
And you’re the kind of teacher I’d never had.
You taught me that being me,
So when I tell you
“I love you”
I don’t say it lightly.
As the candle burns
The flickering dies
And the night sky holds you close.
“Don’t let your heart cry,”
“Because your mind is only there
To fool you.”
Take my hand?
And Drag me to where the sun shines.
Or better yet…
Steal my mind.
So on rainy days
I can remember you,
And leave the world behind.
Some infinities are bigger than others.
I want to take ours
And turn it to gold dust
So we can make the stars jealous.
I want seconds to be hours
And years to be lifetimes
So we can take our hands
These life-lines are ours.
So we can sit and sketch
Every laughter line from our face
To our hearts,
Not worrying about how long we’ve spent on them
Because we wanna remember them all.
And I wanna grow wings so I can catch up to it and slow it down.
I want it to move so slowly
That it forgets where it’s headed.
I want time to get lost so we can be found.
Doesn’t seem so scary
When I’m falling for you.
So take this clock from around my wrist
And tie it around itself,
So we can keep time in check
To make sure it doesn’t wander away from us.
Because my infinity
I’ve never seen something
Quite so bright
As the way yours eyes shine,
Despite the darkness of your room,
When we awaken.
I’d say you never get to watch me sleep,
Because I always wake up before you –
But I use your chest as a pillow more frequently
Than the one that’s on your bed;
And it’s because I get to hear your heart beat.
Every breathe you draw beneath me,
Not only fills your lungs,
But overflows so far into mine,
I’d need another pair to hold onto it all.
Because that’s what you do.
You make me aware of my breathing.
And for the first time,
I like it.
Just like the way I like how your hand intertwines with mine,
I like the way your hair flicks at a perfect angle to the right,
And how you’re the only guy I’d consider loving, with a beard.
Lying with you is like flying with you,
Because every word you say
Only lifts me higher onto cloud 9.
I’m just sorry that sometimes it takes me a little longer
To formulate my problems
That I’m not scared will make you love me any less.
I’m sorry if I hold your hand too tight,
For fear that if I don’t I might actually fall off the earth.
But most of all – I’m sorry that I cry.
If your heartstrings were a violin,
Every time I cried, there would be music.
You just need to know
That whenever you try
To stop me,
It’s not my eyes that don’t listen,
It’s my veins.
Because I’m crying invisible blood
That was bled on the battlefields of the last four years.
Because those gunmen
Called themselves soldiers,
Which meant I was lead to believe
They were stronger than me.
So I took their crap lying down
Because the ground was like a blanket
That kept me safe from the sound
They’d shot inside my head.
And I couldn’t get up for anyone.
Not a blink, not a breath
Not a touch. Nothing.
The dirt beneath me just filled my soul,
Working its way up from underneath my fingernails
Where it had manifested itself
While I was failing to claw my way out of the insanity raging around me.
But just before my heart turned black…
There you were.
And despite being covered,
Head to toe,
In irrefutable madness;
You couldn’t see it.
And I’ve never felt more beautiful.